Lagos love garden.
‘Ejoor.’ That was not always his name. His real name was Ejiofor, that is, ‘Innocent’ and the name just inexplicably, reflected in his life from the time he was born when; he was ruffled too frequently by the too many eager-to-love hands that surrounded him, being the last born. He was also called Obele, Ipkeazu, Nna and, Aboy, by his immediate family and also, his extended family.
He was loved too much and pampered. It was easy to love him, his handsome face, and his shinny skin, like ripe udara fruit, his soft voice and delicate mannerisms. But, he was disciplined too. He was deprived, he was punished. His parents felt a real need to raise a cool head- a kind of peace maker in a family of three hard- headed boys.
So, predictably, Ejiofor was put constantly, under strict surveillance and molding and eventually made to always want to please others before himself. “That is the way of saints and legends like Gandhi, St Theresa, mother Theresa and even Mandela,” everyone drummed into his ears especially, his mentor, teacher and Uncle, Arinze.
Arinze, was the sweetest boy in the neighborhood and he kept on drumming those word into Ejiofor’s soul, from the very onset of his life; through kindergarten, when he would watch other pupils snatch his things without putting up a fight because, that was what St Theresa did; through primary school and secondary School when he was thrown entirely into the church and many thought he was going to be a priest; then, through University, during which, he was initiated into his friend's fold as a man though, only partially and briefly.
Those boys had been on the opposition to the principles and ethics that were fed into him in the church and at home by his parents and patiently waited in the wings for their time to ‘emancipate their own’. Not that they couldn't have ‘emancipated’ him earlier. They just waited for him to experience a major disappointment in his life, to prove to him, in their own words, “that nice guys do not always cut it in the real world.” They always drummed that into his ears, always.
That opportunity came in his fourth year, through the hands of Chidera Ugwueze, the tall, slim, fair and shy best love of Ejiofor, with eyes like little diamonds. He had come together with her soon after she had had a painful break up. They were in the same class and he had helped her get over the guy who broke her heart and she supposedly, had fallen for his persona. It was she who defined his persona in the first place. It was on his 20th birthday.
“Do you know why I love you, Ejiofor?” she asked, holding out the BYC singlet she'd bought him as a birthday present.
“No, tell me,” he replied, smiling sheepishly.
“It is because of your persona,” she was smiling sheepishly, too.
“What’s so special about my boring self?” he probed, blushing.
“Your persona is not boring, my love” she corrected coolly, drawing out every word, reaching out to hold his hands.
“Well....” he said, pulling her close, towards his chest.
“I just love your quiet, nice, humble, tender persona,” she managed to say before her voice was muffled on his shirt. They were sitting on one of those everlasting wooden benches in Lagos love garden, UNEC, where they had their time in the open and yet no one saw them.
And love was in the air for one year or so. A period during which he did so well in school and life in general, time in which he avoided his brothers and friends and even when he did go out with them, he chose to drink malt and Pepsi and had to endure their yabbing. “Juu man, woman wrapper,” they called him; time in which he started believing that perhaps, Dera's love was tailor made for him. During that time, he was still called Ejiofor.
Then came the day, when he returned home to his brothers and friends crying, bearing the news of how he had caught Chidera in bed with Yayaya, the ‘nonentity,’ of the campus as he, Ejiofor, put it.
“What hurts me the most is that she was moaning like an Aahawo, he blurted. “And, the way she denied me and pushed me away……. was epic,” he slumped on the couch.
Armani, his elder brother was watching a football match in the room but once he heard the laughter that rang out from the parlor, where the other guys were drinking and watching the el clasico, he abandoned the TV and ran outside, even though his beloved Juventus was winning inter Milan.
'' Wetin happen?'' he asked, with a funny, startled look.
''Our man here don see wetin men dey see o, the chick wey him trust with him life don dey give am to a correct Guy,'' they chorused, as was usual, whenever one of them was up for a proper yabbing.
“Ooooh!” Armani exclaimed. “That same thing wey she no wan give am, the same thing wey him dey keep for marriage?”
''O boy ehh!'' Emeka exclaimed throwing his hands up, slumping on the couch, laughing. Emeka was Ejiofor’s best friend and was sharing the flat with him and Armani, Chuka and Obinna and nothing gave him more joy than spiting Ejiofor and his boring ‘good boy’ persona. They laughed and laughed and laughed and by the time they stopped, Ejiofor was not only angry, he was confused.
The laughter continued into the night and into the drinking house, ‘Uno Mmanya,’ as they loved to call the pub, where Ejiofor took his first bottle of Hero lager. And then, they began to call him “Ejoor”. He took two bottles the next week. And three, the next month. And on the day Chidera officially broke up with him, even after he had cried, begging her not to do what she had done anymore, he took seven. And thereafter, he earned the title, "EjoO'mpa," derived from ‘O’mpa’, the trending street name given to the newly floated hero lager beer. He had gradually become the highest drinker in that group of closely knit and worldly brothers and friends who shared a flat at that time, off campus at Maryland, Enugu. They were all in UNEC at that time.
* * *
“There is this thing about alcohol,” Ejiofor once read on the wall of his classroom. “It numbs the mind against worry and fear. And when drunk with Igbo (Marijuana), it also numbs the soul against sadness,” the write up stated. Ejoor discovered the reality of that write-up, two years later while doing a post graduate program in computer science, in America, after which he returned home a ‘Hi man’ and, into the arms of Chidera, his beloved Chidera, who teary eyed, had decided to 'come back home.'
Well, ‘Hi man, Ejoor’ welcomed her back with open arms, against all advice even though, he feared she had come back because of the fact that he had become rich overnight after he landed that big software job at SlimFix software developers. Armani and the others, however, thought differently.
“Na because you don become man, strong man without emotions” Armani proffered and the others chorused “Na so!” And by he becoming a man, Armani meant he, becoming like them- the playboys who cared nothing about love, and who let the women do the work while they sat down to enjoy the fun.
However, they were wrong because their friend, Ejiofor, had returned from America, putting on only a façade, appearing and acting like a guy who cared nothing about love because, he started having some women whom he didn’t really love and left them soon after. But he never enjoyed that life. In fact, he felt sadder than ever because it was not his life. His happiness was tied to love-total selfless love and, if he wasn’t giving that kind of love to someone, there was no happiness in his life. And, all the while he put up the appearances of his brothers and friends; he sincerely prayed and hoped to find someone he could love, until Chidera’s home-coming.
Chidera also had an explanation of her own. “I’m back because I missed you like hell” she explained. But, what she didn't say was that she had been so hard into Yayaya that she became pregnant four times and had four abortions in the process, after which Yayaya went away and then, she started feeling lonely, missing her Ejiofor. She didn't also say that she had returned with the hope to rebuild and marry the "treasure" she had left behind, in her haste to have a taste of, in her own words, a ‘real man’.
“Ejiofor is not really a real man, he behaves like a woman,” she had confided to her friends on the night she finally broke up with him, back then in the university. Because she thought she had become an Okilika cloth that no guy wanted anymore, she had returned to the only real love she had ever known. But, she could not, did not succeed because soon, Ejiofor would find out her story when they went for a medical checkup and it was discovered that she had no womb anymore.
Ejoor was heartbroken, even more heartbroken than Chidera. Still, he resolved not to abandon her because she gave him someone to love, fulfilling his life desire. “I will never leave you, my Dera,” he consoled her. But in the end, after Chidera killed herself by taking overdose of cyanide, he just had to go his way, again, to his Mmanya and Igbo and also, his beloved computer science which was his channel of escape whenever things didn’t go well for him. Yet, he missed and mourned his beautiful Chidera.
***
Ejiofor was reveling in those pills (Igbo, alcohol and computer) that took away his sadness and made him, briefly, a man just like his brothers and friends, when he met Adaeze. And his world was shaken up again; the first time was the Chidera incident. He fell in love again, and fell completely. And as always, he had no control over himself.
Beautiful, educated, young, Adaeze, was lacking something that she didn't see in her groveling, curtsying fiancé, Chike. Something she referred to as ‘That testosterone fueled spark in a 'real' man; That recklessness and casualness found in the eyes of the kind of man who got a woman wet on a first date; that cockiness that a man needs to possess in order to get a woman to fall for him; that “I-don't-care” attitude that a man needs to possess in order for a woman to feel safe in his arms.’ Those were her definition of a real man, and they were apparently in abundance in the booze and Igbo, inspired and genius, Ejoor and, Adaeze was thrilled to have found him. She only wanted him to stop taking two of those pills (Igbo and booze.)
Well, shaken Ejoor was in love again and he quickly readjusted his ways, for the sake of the new love he had found, dropping those two pills eventually, unconsciously. Ejoor was born again, though gradually. And soon, they were happily courting and soon, they were happily married. And ‘happy’ defined them and their marriage until, unconsciously, subliminally; the person of Ejiofor returned completely-the ‘nice guy’ persona that Chidera had sworn to have liked. And as a result, Adaeze became overwhelmed with love.
In fact, she became drenched, drowned in love. And like anyone who's drenched in something, be it water o, love o, or anything at all, gorgeous Adaeze gradually but, unconsciously became listless, searching for a vent, an opening for fresh air. She unconsciously got tired of him always saying “I'll do whatever will make you happy” and the way he was always saying sorry even when he did nothing wrong and, the way he started groveling and curtsying like Chike her ex. She began to hate the fact that he always seemed to be scared of her and let her control him completely-an attitude she termed wussbag-like, feminine. That is, a kinda way of life of weaklings. But all these happened in her head, unconsciously, subliminally.
She also got tired of picking his too many calls and replying his many messages of love and mushy romance and inevitably, he was turned on and the more Adaeze slipped away from him, the more he fell in love with her. Then, came one rainy day.
***
It rained Cat and Dog on that day. It was on Adaeze's 24th birthday. Ejiofor stayed home all day, having taken an excuse duty, to clean up the house and set up a twosome party. He wanted to surprise her. He cooked Ora soup and pounded yam Fofo, her favorite. He decorated the table with pink table cloth and flowers, her favorite colour. He got the Home Theater ready for Rihanna’s music, her favorite.
The time for the twosome party was set at 5pm. He was very pleased with the kind of husband he was. The kind of a man that never shouted at his woman, but obeyed all her request and provided all her needs and showered her with sex and money; he was virile and rich after all. This was his true self and he was happy to live it and the supposed stability of his marriage which was already blessed with two cute boys had really proven his brothers and friends, who were still all unmarried, wrong and, proven him right. Or so he thought.
At 6pm, Adaeze was yet to return. And he was still seated, contented to wait. Besides it was his Adaeze he was waiting for. It was just his way, his life style, to love subserviently. A little while later he was dozing off on the couch until, he was startled by her touch.
“Ejiofor,” she brazenly called him, walking away towards the bedroom. “Go to the room and sleep if you want to sleep,” she spat.
He got up slowly, rubbing his eyes. “Happy birthday, sweetie,” he smiled.
“Thanks buddy, she still spat,” head up and straight, left hand flexed at the elbow, bearing the Gucci hand bag he had bought her on her last birthday, still walking.
“Wait,” he called out. “Look at the table; it’s all yours, darling.” He stood up.
“Thanks, Ejiofor, but, I'm really tired, really had a bad day in the office.” She shut the door.
“Come on love, it’s your birthday.” He was standing, with arms outstretched towards the table.
She did not reply.
“Hello, Ada, I'm talking to you,” he calmly said.
She still did not reply. Ejiofor found himself shaking at the knees.
Even though he, the real he i.e. the Ejiofor part of him, was a cool head, there'd always been instances when he flared up in a fit of rage. Such instances came up whenever he felt he was being ignored, taken for granted, in spite of the effort he always put in to make people happy. And that rainy day, wasn't different only that a woman he loved was involved; had it been someone else, he would’ve freaked out. So instead of raging, he found himself compulsively going down on his knees, pleading.
“So...so...so, you mean I left work early to prepare for your birthday and this is what I get?” he sobbed. His voice was as soft and poignant as that of a child widow.
“You are the most foolish man I've ever seen,” she spat at him and stood up and went into the parlor. He followed her, like a lost puppy.
“Did you just call me foolish?” he sobbed after her.
“Yes. You are an Oaf”
“What have I done to deserve this?” He cried, throwing his hands up in despair.
“Why don't you just get busy and leave me alone?” She threw at him, going outside to answer her call. Ejiofor was beginning to cry now and a certain familiar fear was creeping up his sleeves.
There'd always been this fear in his heart, that there was something wrong with him and love, something unfortunate in his love life, a sort of compulsive disorder, as he termed it. The thing had followed him for too long that once in a while he thought about it. And he never took notice until it was too late, until he was quickly relegated to the scrap heap. It had happened in the past each time he found himself being his true self, the subservient peace maker, made in the image of the saints, the persona that loved too much. Especially when women were involved?
***
His very first girl, Onyinye- churby, sassy Onyinye, had left him after just five months because he always cried whenever she freaked out. She told her friends that she had left because Ejiofor wasn't man enough. Then, there was Jennifer who wasn't even pretty at all. She had left him after giving him enormous green light and he had fallen head over heels in love. “I don't just feel it anymore for you, Ejiofor.” was all she told him.
It was same story with Chinwe and Ifeoma, the other girls he had before Chidera, not counting the numerous times girls rubbed his hands in mud ( iwu aka na-ani) because, according to them, he was too emotional while chyking them. He had kept these girls secret from his brothers and friends because he was living alone then, in the hostel; he was yet to join them at Maryland, then. Chidera was the one that pained him most and he could not hide it from his brothers and friends.
In spite of all these bitter experience, he had never been able to make himself careless about love. Each time he found himself loving someone truly, it was same story; he was quickly relegated to the scrap heap, before he could say wetin happen?
Chidera had given him hope that he could be loved the way he was but, in the end, she still went after a ‘real’ man, according to his friends and brothers and what about even Adaeze? He could remember how she was always trying to please him during the first periods of their courtship and marriage. She used to wash his cloths, serve him food, apologized too easily when she wronged him. In fact, she was the one who was being subservient. And that time, he was still more of Ejoor and EjoO'mpa, ie, the alcohol and Igbo (marijuana) inspired, though, unhappy, detached guy than, this pathetic, though happy Ejiofor that he presently was.
As he tossed all these in his mind, his phone rang and it was Armani, his still unmarried playboy elder brother asking him to “show for Nza street”. He could already hear Armani's mocking laughter, sneering, telling him that women deserve ‘aka ike,’ iron hand, that only weaklings do mushy romance. Ejiofor never really understood this and what appalled him now was that he would never be able to be that kind of a man that his brothers and friends recommended. He knew it, he could not just prevent himself from being his true self; it was just beyond him.
He walked away from the well-stocked dining table to the bedroom where he put on his cloths. He wanted to be with his elder brother, to seek his advice but something, - kinda possible solution to this problem he had just confirmed for the one millionth time he had with loving women, struck him. He was going to call Adaeze, when she calmed down, sit her down and then, ask her questions to find out whether his subservient persona, which he had no control over, had anything to do with her relegating him into the scrap heap lately. It had never really occurred to him to discuss such thing with his previous women. He would make her understand that he wasn’t a weakling per say. He wanted to tell her that only his love for her made him subservient. Funny and nonsensical as this idea or thought was, he really believed in it but for the discovery he soon made.
Ada had mistakenly dropped her phone out of anger after making the call and rushed to the bathroom to use the toilet and for some inexplicable reason, Ejiofor picked it up and searched through the call register, inbox and outbox and even her Face book inbox. He saw, in the outbox, messages like
“Baby please wait, I’ll pay in the money in two days’ time”
“I promise, I’ll not miss your calls again”
“You know I love and respect you, I didn’t mean to do it that way”.
“Not hearing ‘happy birthday’ from you, today has made the day entirely useless to me and made me so sad and irritable and I’m sure I’m going to take it out on my husband today at home; and I pity the poor guy.”
“Hope I did the sucking well, my baby. I just wanted to give you the best pleasure, my strong man.”
“Hope you enjoyed it well, my baby. I just wanted to give you a special threat yesterday”
There were many more-extremely romantic and sex laden- all messages sent by Adaeze to her lover, Michael. They were all sent that day and she was probably yet to delete them. Ejiofor searched Michael on Face book and found out that he was a guy who worked in Adaeze’s work place, obviously her ‘real’ man. Ejiofor could not remember the last time she had sent him a text, returned his missed calls or even replied his texts. It was just like it had happened with Chidera and the others whom he had truly loved and as usual; he had been taken unawares.
And yet again, he cried. But now, not because he had been messed up again but because he knew that he wasn’t still going to be able to change his persona; it had become impossibility for him and he was convinced that he would still, helplessly love Adaeze and Chidera and the other girls he had truly loved, if his life should go on rewind.
But what he didn’t know was that, inexplicably, his heart had started growing tired of crying for love, becoming independent to his feelings. He was not aware of the changes taking place in his spirit at that moment. A part of him was hatching a revolution against love. It was the weirdest thing.
He found himself, the following days and weeks and months, deciding not to confront Adaeze about her infidelity. He found himself deciding to forever detach himself without revealing why and, to forever keep silence over her adultery, even as she later went viral in her escapades with different men, citing the fact that he abruptly stopped touching her after that rainy day for no just reason, until she found out why he had stopped touching her and then apologized. Even then, he still kept silent. His heart was hardening, uncontrollably.
Gradually Adaeze started ordering her steps, trying to make amends. But it was too late, for Ejiofor had suddenly and inexplicably, developed a deep phobia for weakness and he could not go back anymore. He didn’t want to be a weakling anymore and the only way to succeed was to just detach.
He didn’t want a divorce because of their two sons whom he wanted to give the best. And because of them, after Adaeze had discovered her crime, he had reached an agreement with her to act as if everything was fine. And time crept by.
* * *
A few years later, on one other rainy day, he returns home from one of the numerous travels he had quickly signed up for in the office after Adaeze’s cheating, with a carton of scotch, for himself and a backpack full of books and toys for his two boys, who luckily for him, were just a carbon copy of him.
Adaeze had stayed home to welcome him. She had also cleaned the house, cooked his favourite meal of Egusi soup and Akpu and made herself pretty. She'd been doing everything within her power to reinvent the weakling persona of the man she had married, the one she'd had called an Oaf, now, especially now that she was struggling with mid-life crisis and the wrinkles had started to appear. And she was just tired of adventure with ‘real strong men’ who had, in her own words, destroyed her heart by breaking it severally.
All she wanted most now, was for Ejiofor to say it again to her, “I'll do anything to make you happy,” to put her first once more, to love her too much once more because she was sure that that weakling would’ve forgiven her long ago.
Yet, every night, he steped into her room to say good night before retiring to his study where he had a slim matrass for his naps, in-between long work sessions on new computer programs.
Written by Nnaemeka Ugwu.
